Monthly Archives: July 2012

Caregiver Guilt

Over 20 years of clinical practice has taught me that caregivers experience a full range of emotions in their new role. We really do not have a manual or guide on how “how to be a great caregiver” growing up so the role of caregiver is often learned as we go. This can be difficult and challenging for many of us.

One of the primary emotions experienced by most caregivers is a sense of guilt. Guilt probably stems from the feeling that “I should be doing more and I should be able to take care of mom or dad in my home.” The emotion is typically confronted by the reality that a caregiver may also have a full time job, several kids, a family, and no room at home to provide such care.

Simultaneously, and particularly in the case of parents, the caregiver realizes that the parent cared for him or her and deserves the same in return. These really represent the core issues and thoughts the breed guilt. The feeling of guilt is universal and quite normal. It reflects love and compassion for a family member. It can also cause the caregiver many sleepless nights, depression, anger, etc.

In my practice, I try to provide the caregiver a chance to talk about what he or she is experiencing. I always let the caregiver know how normal guilt is and that the most important decision for care of an older person is safety. So often, a parent may be in need of 24-7 supervision, increased structure, socialization opportunities, and clinical attention. Most children cannot meet these needs, particularly on a 24-7 basis.

Time is helpful to the caregiver guilt, as children will see that most settings provide excellent and compassionate care within a safe environment. It is important for the caregiver to find time for him or herself and to not let guilt drive their decisions such as how often to visit. I will make recommendations to caregivers to not visit so often when I believe the behavior is causing more problems.

A decision to place a loved one such as a parent into assisted living or long-term care is very difficult. All caregivers can know that guilt is a primary and normal emotion with such decisions. Safety needs to be the most important factor in the decision-making process and time will help to heal the feelings of guilt. Caregivers need to create their own time for respite and to monitor their emotional health throughout.

Words Sculpt the Brain

Neuroscience has underscored the importance of neural plasticity and this has unleashed an entire new way of thinking about the human brain. Indeed, we now know more about the brain than ever in our civilization, and most of the knowledge has been accrued in the past twenty years.

Plasticity enables a brain to be shaped by environmental input and it presumes a constantly reorganizing and malleable system. The brain is constantly being shaped, some for the positive and some for the negative. The good news is we have plenty of opportunity to make good decisions regarding how we want our brains to be shaped.

My brain health lifestyle ® promotes five major components to shaping the brain. These include physical activity, mental stimulation, nutrition, socialization, and spirituality. I have promoted an enriched environment filled with novel and complex stimuli as one that can shape the brain for the health.

I believe another major source of shaping or sculpting our brains is language. The spoken language and words themselves. Words are processed by the brain and interpreted for meaning. Such processing creates or leads to thought, emotion, and movement. I have written and spoken about the long-term effects words can have on a human brain and human being.

Consider for a moment some of the most important and wise statements or pieces of advice you have been given or you have read in your life. The very words made a lasting impression, perhaps emotional or cognitive, and literally sculpted your brain in a positive way. This is all neurophysiological and structural in nature, but it results in a behavioral or functional outcome. You might also recall an insult or a negative piece of feedback that affected you in a negative manner. The sculpting here is no less significant and carries with it the same potential for long-term effects.

Grandmother was correct and wise when she instructed to “not open our mouths unless we had something good to say”!

The messages we deliver in the form of words can carry a significant and long lasting effect. We can start and stop wars, start and stop relationships, help others succeed in life, and make others feel good about themselves.

Words, a pretty cool medicine indeed!